How to not be a Tiger Mom: Best parenting books
There are a lot of stereotypes on the Asian style of parenting, specifically the dreaded “Tiger Mom” label, described as authoritative, harsh in discipline, and extremely controlling. This is usually used by some parents to argue that they are doing this to ensure the child’s academic success or future success in life, but we know now that it can create all kinds traumatic experiences for children.
On the lighter side of the spectrum, traditional Asian parenting might just mean that your parents didn’t use words to express their affirmation and love, such as saying “I love you”, “I’m proud of you”—words that are a rarity. I believe it’s part rooted culturally from the language perspective because the literal phrase “I love you” "我愛你” in Chinese for instance, is generally awkward to say to a child because it’s more appropriately used for your significant other to express romantic love.
Nonetheless, when I think about the aspects of culture I want to preserve vs. how to integrate with modern parenting, I think it has to start early with how you interact with your child to build the type of relationship you want to model. There also has to be a better way to instill high levels of expectations, both academically and behaviorally, without harsh methods.
If you are looking to navigate the toddler years of tantrums and meltdowns, here are some of the best resources we’ve found for gentle, modern parenting that gives alternative discipline strategies from time outs, threats, and yelling that we associate with a lot of traditional Asian or tiger parenting styles.
Do you have a favorite tried and true parenting resource/book? Let us know!
Note, we are not affiliated with the sites (other than any Amazon affiliate links).
Read about the lost art (at least in the Western world) on raising children who are motivated to help and listen to their parents. There are practical sections in the book on how to implement ways to have your kid help out in the home and develop guided autonomy.
Buy from Amazon
We consider this a must-read as a parenting guide on how to shift your perspective and talk to your kid to get them to feel like you are on their side and listen. There is a companion book called “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” for dealing with older children.
Buy from Amazon ("How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen”)
Buy from Amazon (“How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk”)
Dr. Becky is widely followed on social media (@drbeckatgoodinside on Instagram) with her approach to raising confident kids, parenting without timeouts—but also setting firm boundaries. I find that the IG posts usually talk about the problem, but don’t give enough details on the advice to follow. This book has the answers.
Buy from Amazon
4. Big Little Feelings
Follow @biglittlefeelings on Instagram for tips and strategies on how to talk to toddlers and kids between ages 1-6 years old. The content is relatable and I love how they give you practical examples to implement.
5. Fatherly
There are many resources that target women as the de-facto caregiver to children, but fathers, take note too to be part of the kids-raising team! This site just has many good articles and perspectives for parenting.